Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Vin Gerard Needs to Sell Shirts

Vin Gerard Needs to Sell Shirts

Here's what happened:

I am standing backstage before the Inter-Species Wrestling show The Worst That Could Happen, waiting for the pre-show video to finish so that I can go out and start the show. (As it happened a few minutes later, the breakers blew, we lost power and I had to improvise.)

From behind me someone with a voice pitched somewhere between a marmoset and a serial killer barks at me, "So you're Llakor? I like your writing."

Chad Badd standing next to me half-turns his head and growls, "Good one Vin! That was ALMOST intimidating."

Vin grovels back, "Thanks bro, from you that means..."

Brad Badd cut him off, "He said ALMOST, faggot."


Later on, after betraying his partner in GinGerard, Shayne Hawke, to curry favour with the Badd Boys and getting his ass kicked instead, (also getting kissed on the mouth hard by Shayne Hawke after getting chucked from the ring, forcing Vin to kiss the nearest girl to get the taste of Hawke out of his mouth.)

Wear this shirt to declare your love for PUSSY!Anyway, point is after those revolting developments, Vin retreated to the merch table where he tried desperately to peddle his shirts with little to no success. Vin asked pleaded with me to write one of my thousand word puff pieces to convince people to buy his shirt.

I know I have a reputation of being able to sell ice to Inuit, but really most of the time, I was just telling people stuff that they eventually realized was true, like "El Generico is AWESOME" in 2002 or "Kevin Steen is AWESOME" in 2003, and etc. Convincing people to buy stuff from Vin on the other hand, is a slightly harder task.

But I have thought about it and I have come to the conclusion that if you are a straight man, a lesbian or a bisexual, you MUST own and wear Vin's shirt, because wearing that shirt is the equivalent of declaring to the world that you love PUSSY, and I can prove that with MATH!




I know what you are thinking. That bit about proving it with MATH, people always say that on the Interwebs, but they never actually show their work, but here are my equations:

WVS (Wearing Vin's Shirt) = I [heart] Vin


WVS = I [heart] PUSSY

See. It's like Vin Gerard's shirt had been scientifically designed to show your love for PUSSY.

Here is what I would suggest you do at the very next show where Vin Gerard is nervously pacing behind the merch table. Go up to him and buy his shirt and when he has handed you the shirt (and any change that you have coming.) Then tell Mr. Vin Gerard (as politely as you can) "I am only going to wear this shirt to prove that I love PUSSY."

(Those who feel it necessary to spell out the joke may feel free to add: "Because you sir are a PUSSY. And I love you." Bonus points if you can say "I love you" with anything close to an approximation of Brother Love.)

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