After successfully defending his Inter Species Wrestling title in the States against Hallowicked, Player Uno returns to Montreal to defend his belt against perhaps his most difficult opponent to date, the Generic Luchador, El Generico.
Uno put himself through a grueling training regimen to prepare for Hallowicked, helping him beat the terror luchadore in Connecticut. As a result of this training regimen, Uno is in the best shape that he has been in nearly two years.
I could tell you that Uno has never beaten El Generico in a singles match and that would be true, but not the complete truth. Full disclosure would require me to state that astonishingly this is the first time that two of Canada's best masked wrestlers have ever faced each other one on one. Uno has the home advantage - the champion's advantage. El Generico has the advantage of being perhaps the best damn indy wrestlers in Canada. Either way, win or lose, it's going to be a show!
4 Years of This?!
Card Quick and Dirty
Inter Species Wrestling Title Match: ISW Champion Player Uno vs. El Generico
Inter Species Wrestling Other Title Match: ISW Champion Moohammad the Terrorist Cow vs. James Stone
Fans Bring the Lego Weapons Death Match: Stinky the Homeless Guy vs. Flip
Number One Contender Match: Twiggy vs. Kevin Steen
Three Way Dance: Beef Wellington vs. Sexxxy Eddy vs. Viking
Quebec Co-Ed Match: Addy Star vs. Steve
Zombie vs. Panda?!: Izzy Deadyet vs. El Hijo del Bamboo
Most Valuable Zombie Match: Zombiefied vs. Michael Von Payton
Badd Challenge: The Badd Boys vs. Whoever has the balls to face them
Giant Tiger Match: Giant Tiger in a match of his own choosing.
4 Years of This?! Detailed Preview
Giant Tiger backed up an armored car to extort Inter Species Wrestling into paying for him to travel to Connecticut and then after getting a contract with everything that he wanted, childishly decided that he didn't want to travel that weekend. Fortunately, Giant Tiger made more reasonable demands to appear at the ISW 4th Anniversary show.
Or did he?
One of Giant Tiger's conditions to appear was that he got to pick his opponent and his match at 4 Years of This?! The only problem is that it appears that Giant Tiger has chosen as his opponent, Inter Species El Presidente, Mike Rotch. Nothing good can come of this. There is no way that Rotchy should ever be involved in a wrestling match. Rotch has refused to respond publicly to GT's challenge, but we know from e-mails and Private Messages that Rotchy sent to Giant Tiger (that GT immediately copied and put online) that Rotchy has been trying desperately to talk GT out of this nonsense.
Speaking of talking someone out of (or into) nonsense, somewhere in this country a tag team wrestler is trying to persuade his partner that it would be a GREAT idea to accept the Badd Challenge and get in the ring with the Badd Boys, Chad and Brad Badd. I don't need to know who this tag team is. I am sure that I will meet them on Sunday and tell them that they are Boys trying to defeat Men.
In a match that might be described as a Boy(pleaser) trying to defeat a Man(of sorts), Addy Starr - coming off a victory against the wrestling Porn Star Sexxxy Eddy - will be trying to turn that victory into a winning streak against a different kind of porn star as Addy tries to beat the She-male called Steve. Can Addy avoid Steve's deadly sodomy submission?
The other cuddly ISW star (other than Addy Starr) facing deadly peril this Sunday is crowd favourite El Hijo del Bamboo. Having just recovered from a neck injury that left him sidelined for several months, Bamboo Jr. will be facing the deadly Izzy Deadyet. Both ISW competitors are on winning streaks, with the Great Panda of Sumatra boasting clean pins of M.V.P. and Damian while Izzy Deadyet has run rough-shod over the competition beating Dan Paysan (and eating his brain to eliminate Dan from ISW), Zombiefied (in a body-bag match), Viking and Pinkie Sanchez. Izzy has been blitzing his opponents, overpowering them, while El Hijo del Bamboo has been capitalizing on his opponents' mistakes. The question is can the Puroreso Panda capitalize on an Izzy mistake? Or will ISW start its fifth year of existence with an undead panda on the roster?
The other ISW Zombie in action on Sunday will be facing a long-time enemy of El Hijo del Bamboo as Zombiefied squares off against Michael Von Payton. Compared to Izzy Deadyet, Zombiefied is a bona-fide hero, but that does not mean he is not a monster. Michael Von Payton is one of ISW's strongest and smartest wrestlers, but can strength and skill help you defeat the living dead, especially when the undead are as fast as Zombiefied?
Three men on ISW losing streaks will meet during Inter Species Wrestling's Fourth Anniversary show. Beef has suffered losses to PCP Crazy F'N Manny and Twiggy; Viking lost to Izzy Deadyet and Player Uno. Sexxxy Eddy's losing streak only stands at one, but Eddy's ego took a terrible beating when he lost his match to Addy Starr. These three men know each other very well. Frankly, each of the three has a less than tenuous grasp on their sanity. Viking brings a beer-fuelled violent kind of crazy; Eddy supplies a hard liquor and sex streak of insanity; and Beef brings a sober mean kind of mad. Three crazy men, all tired of losing, but only one can win. Sounds like fun!
The ISW bringer of fun Twiggy had one title match against Player Uno during CHIKARA's King of Trios. He lost that match but came heart-breakingly close to winning the ISW belt. Twiggy would like nothing better than one more shot at that gold, this time at home, in front of a Montreal audience at Foufounes Electriques. Only one thing stands in his way. A man-sized brick wall named Kevin Steen. I know for a fact that Kevin Steen likes Twiggy (as much as Kevin likes anyone that he isn't married to or related to) I know for a fact that Kevin Steen respects Twiggy, but when the bell rings for this Number One Contender's Match, liking and respecting won't matter a damn - because Kevin Steen wants that ISW belt just as badly as Twiggy and if hurting Twiggy is the price that Kevin has to pay to get another title shot, that is a sacrifice that Kevin is prepared to make.
The crazy thing is that Twiggy wouldn't have it any other way.
Another wrestler that has sacrificed for a title shot is Rock Star James Stone. During the Vans/Warped Tour Show, in a steady rain while fighting Moohammad the Terrorist Cow for the ISW Other Title, James went up top. Always a risk to go up top, normally a carefully calculated one, but when the ropes are slick with water and you are facing a
You could call Moohammad the puppet-master of Inter Species Wrestling. Pulling James Stone's strings with one
As the ISW Commissioner, I wrote an e-mail calling for the match between Flip and Stinky. Here is that e-mail in full and verbatim.
FROM THE DESK OF YOUR BELOVED COMISSIONER
Fans of Inter Species Wrestling.
Like many of you, I was shocked and saddened to see the wrestler - formerly known as Flip D. Berger - now known simply as Flip - viciously attack his former best friend and tag team partner (from the greatly missed tag team Lady and the Tramp) Stinky the Homeless Guy during The Worst That Could Happen. For the second Inter Species Wrestling show in a row, Flip filled Stinky's hat with Lego, taped the hat to Stinky's head and pile-drove Stinky into a toy-induced concussion.
This is the only reason that Moohammad the Terrorist Cow is the current and reigning Inter Species Wrestling Other Champion. I don't need to remind you that Moohammad (cheated to) beat Flip in a "Winner Eats the Loser" match, but since Moohammad is a strict vegan, instead of eating Flip, the Terrorist Cow settled for brainwashing Flip - turning him into a Vegan PETA drone, Moohammad's human pet.
Flip may have been brainwashed, but he is still reponsible for his actions and at the next Inter-Species Wrestling show, 4 Years of This?! at Foufounes Electriques on Sunday, August 23rd, I am ordering Flip to face Stinky and resolve their feud in the only way that it can: In an old fashioned Montreal Death Match.
But not just any old fashioned Montreal Death Match.
I have received an Inter-Species Wrestling fan mail from one Steve Wilson suggesting that the Flip vs. Stinky feud can only be resolved by a 50, 000 thumb-tack Death Match. Well Steve, if that is your real name, here at Inter Species Wrestling we believe that thumb-tacks are for pussies. I have woken up the day after some Montreal wrestling shows and picked thumbtacks out of the weirdest places without ever feeling them pierce my skin, but if I step on one piece of Lego left out by my nephew, I can wake the whole house up cursing fit to wake the dead.
So, I have decided that at 4 Years of This?! Flip will face Stinky in a Lego Death Match, but I don't just want a few scattered pieces of Lego. I am calling on the fans to make and bring Weapons made out of Lego. Instead of hats filled with Lego, I want a hat made out of Lego. I want Cookie pans made out of Lego. I want Barbed-Wire bats made out of Lego. I want a Light-Tube Log Cabin made out of Lego. I want the great fans of Inter Species Wrestling to think of the most God-Awful Wrestling Weapons that you can dream up and make them out of Lego and bring them to our Fourth Anniversary show.
Sunday, August 23rd, 2009 at Foufounes Electricques
4 Years of This?!
Stinky the Homeless Guy vs. Flip
Fans Bring the Lego Weapons Death Match
IWS DVD & Ticket Special
I now have copies of the IWS Tenth Anniversary show X in my office. They are $20, or you can get the DVD and a VIP ticket to Hardcore Heat for $30 (or you can get a ticket for the ISW show 4 Years of This?!. Special is good until August 23rd. You can pay by paypal: Llakor@hotmail.com or contact me at that e-mail address for more details.
Inter Species Wrestling returns with 4 Years of This?! on Sunday, August 23rd, at the Foufounes Electriques, 87 Ste-Catherine East, Montreal. Doors open at 7:30PM, Bell rings at 8:00PM. Tickets are $15.00. 18+ Card and Times subject to change.
International Wrestling Syndicate presents Hardcore Heat on Saturday, August 29th, at the Just For Laughs Museum Studio, 2101 Saint-Laurent, Montreal. Doors open at 8:00PM, Bell rings at 9:00PM. VIP Tickets are $20, Regular Tickets are $15.00. 18+ Card and Times subject to change.