Saturday, March 26, 2011

Inter Species Wrestling presents BONER JAM (#8 in a series)

Inter Species Wrestling presents BONER JAM
 Montreal, March 27th, Foufounes Electriques

The biggest question that I usually get from wrestlers is usually something along the lines of,

"Yeah, yeah your Addy Starr piece was great. Made her look like a total bad-ass even though I happen to know that every time she sees a spider in her apartment she has to call someone to come and kill it."

Good thing she is fighting a cow then.

"Whatever. I understand that you had to talk about Colt Cabana and Giant Tiger and the Contender's Clash, but..."

Wait for it. Wait for it.

"When in the blue hell fuck are you going to get to my match!?!"

And some ISW wrestlers aren't even that polite!

I just got off the phone with a very angry Badd brother. So angry that I am uncertain whether it was Chad or Brad. It may have been both of them taking turns yelling at me.

I have strict instructions to relay the following information...

"You writing this down you little punk? I will rip your head off and shit down your neck you get this sumbitch wrong! Little cock-sucker prancing around in your monkey suit being Mr. pansy-ass big shot. Mr. La-di-da Commissioner. FUCK YOU PUNK! You don't drive a Harley! You Ain't SHIT! Don't even drive a fucking rice-burner! How can you call yourself a man? 

People been telling me you been writing about this match and that match, but when my Momma has someone read to her all those fucking words you write are any of them about the BADD Family reuinion? 

Are any of them about the BADD-le Royal? HELL and Fucking NO! COCKSUCKER! 

Well you type all this down, you tell them sumbitch snot-eating peckerheads that the BADDs are coming to BONER JAM for the BADD Family Reunion. 

You get that out there so my Momma can hear it. 

You hear this Momma? 

They are talking about the BADD Family on this fucking intra-cob-webby circle-jerk thinger-jammer-whickey-whatsey. 

You tell all our cousins and uncles and cousins and nephews and cousins and aunties and cousins and all to come to BONER JAM. 

And you come too Momma! 

I love you MOMMA! 

But Momma if you come to the BADD-le Royale, I am going to throw you over the top rope onto your head! 

Yes, I will! 

Because that was how we were raised! 

You get all that cock-sucker? Get'r Done!"

Got "R" Done!

And if you are a member of the BADD Family or just want to rub elbows with the wrestling world's most notorious bad-ass biker rednecks stomp you into a mudhole just for looking at them funny family, you can only do it at Foufounes Electriques, this SUNDAY! SUNDAY!! SUNDAY!!! at BONER JAM!


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