Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Inter Species Wrestling presents BONER JAM (#5 in a series)

Inter Species Wrestling presents BONER JAM 
Montreal, March 27th, Foufounes Electriques

Following up on yesterday's discussion about the Inter Species Wrestling Contender's Clash, it is time to turn to this match's forgotten man, Twiggy...

One of the nice things about being involved in the Quebec wrestling scene is that I get to be involved in the promos. Sometimes, I am actually in them, but mostly I help the boys cut better promos. I am not actually writing scripts for them, usually I am just suggesting a word, or a phrase or an attitude and they take that and run with it.

And then sometimes promos happen almost by accident and those are frequently the best ones.

I was in the process of fumigating the ISW office chair (that a half-naked Giant Tiger had sat in) when Twiggy came by to see me. I don't want to say that Twiggy was depressed, because that is definitely not the right word and angry doesn't really do it justice either. Twiggy is probably the most optimistic, positive up-beat wrestler person that I have ever met. Some wrestlers are "glasses half-empty" type people, Twiggy is a "forget that glass, let me tell you how deeply I believe that I am going to pin a guy who is six inches taller than me and one hundred pounds heavier than me" type wrestler.

What had Twiggy fuming a bit was a conversation that he had overheard from three ISW fans while our Air Guitar Hero was filling the black hole that he calls a stomach at Bofinger's in Montreal. One of the fans argued that Kevin Steen would win the match on the grounds that Kevin Steen always comes up big in big matches like this; a second fan believed that Player Uno would win so that he could get revenge on Giant Tiger; and the last ISW fan was trying to convince anyone who would listen (including the perplexed Bofinger staff) that Sexxxy Eddy would win this match to continue the domination of ISW by the League of Extraordinary Gentleman. None of these fans gave Twiggy the slightest chance to become the ISW Number One Contender.

I understood immediately why Twiggy was upset.

I am not going to argue that Twiggy isn't a serious underdog in this match, but consider the following:

-Twiggy has previously pinned Player Uno.
-Twiggy has previously pinned Kevin Steen (believe it or not)
-Twiggy took out Sexxxy Eddy during the cage match in Connecticut (during Exact Change Only) allowing Player Uno to win the match by pinning Giant Tiger without interference.
-This is the exact kind of match most likely to be won by a roll-up and Twiggy has won more matches by roll-up than the other three wrestlers in this match... combined.

Following up on that last point, it is easy to forget that Twiggy is one of the best trained wrestlers in Quebec. Before Beef Wellington and El Generico would let Twiggy even think of entering the squared circle for the first time in a real match, they put him through twice the training that they gave to any other wrestling student in their school at the time. Every step along the way in his training and in his career, Twiggy has had to prove that he deserves to be a professional wrestler.

Heck, Beef and El Generico used to haze Twiggy with a somewhat cruel game where they got him into pinning predicaments and if Twiggy couldn't kick out for real, they cancelled his training for the day and sent him home early. I remember the first time that Twiggy was forced to leave training early. He stormed past my office swearing that it would never happen again and (to the best of my recollection) it never did happen again.

Do I think Twiggy is a lock to win this match? Of course not, but he definitely has a shot and if Twiggy had to wrestle in any kind of match to earn a shot at the ISW title, this is probably the match that gives him the best chance to surprise an opponent for three seconds and get a flash pin.

I was saying all of this to Twiggy in the ISW office, when I added the other reason that I thought Twiggy had a great shot at winning the match, "You know Twiggy, when you think about it, Kevin doesn't need this opportunity, Sexxxy Eddy doesn't want this opportunity, and Player Uno has already had this opportunity."

(I like triptychs, sue me.)

Twiggy's face lit up and the next thing I knew he was yelling for a camera and he was taping a promo right then and there:

I think that I can say with some confidence that no one in this match wants the victory more than Twiggy, but sometimes desire is not enough. Can desire beat the veteran cruelty of Sexxxy Eddy? Can desire save Twiggy from the bullying tactics of  "Mr. Wrestling" Kevin Steen? Can Twiggy's desire overcome Player Uno's thirst for vengeance on Giant Tiger?

My heart says yes, but my head like those ISW fans at Bofinger's says, "Probably Not."

Only one way to find out for sure though...

Get your tickets for BONER JAM now! Contact me at to buy them in Montreal.

Get Your Tickets NOW!

No comments:

Post a Comment