Monday, March 8, 2010

IWS Praise the Violence 2010 - Results

March is the GREENEST Month
IWS Praise the Violence 2010
- Results

The International Wrestling Syndicate crowned new champions during an amazingly successful Praise the Violence show. The Green Phantom (in a surprise return) won a Triple Threat Triple Hell Death Match to earn a shot at Beef Wellington's IWS title and despite being thrown through a pane of plate glass by Beef, our Hardcore Hero was able to overcome and pin Beef to become the new IWS Champion.

IWS Praise the Violence 2010
Quick and Dirty Results
Saturday, March 6th, 2010
Le Skratch, Chomedey, Laval, Quebec

IWS Tag Team Titles match
IWS Champions The Untouchables 2.0 (Dan Paysan and Scott "Jagged" Parker)
vs. The Lean and Clean Machine The Rock 'N Roid Express (Franky the Mobster and Twiggy)

The Rock 'N Roid Express beat The Untouchables 2.0 in 8:45 to become new IWS Champions.

"Canada's Greatest Athlete" Shane Matthews accompanied by the Lovely Olivia vs. Sonny Dee

The Hot Property Shane Matthews beat Sonny Dee in 3:25.

IWS Canadian Title match
IWS Champions Shayne Hawke vs. Stinky the Homeless Guy

Shayne Hawke retained his title, beating Stinky in 5:52.

EXcesS vs. Heavy Maxxx Fury

EXesS beat Heavy Maxx Fury in 10:52.

Team Uno (Player Uno, Alex Silva and Mike Bailey) vs.
Équipe Merveille (Fred la Merveille, Mathieu St-Jacques and Pauly Platinum)

Team Uno beat
Équipe Merveille in 17:07 when Mike Bailey pinned Fred la Merveille.

Triple Threat Triple Hell Death Match (Glass, Thumbtacks and Barbed Wire)
PCP Crazy F'N Manny vs. The Triple X Sex XXXpress Sexxxy Eddy vs. The Green Phantom

The Green Phantom pinned both Eddy and Manny in 7:53 to earn a shot at Beef Wellington's IWS Title.

IWS Title Match IWS Champion Beef Wellington vs. The Green Phantom

The Green Phantom beat Beef Wellington in 4:53 to become the new IWS Champion.


IWS Praise the Violence 2010
Full Results

Let's be honest. 2009 was a bit of a disaster for the IWS. We had one great high point with X, our Tenth Anniversary, and then had a series of incredible bad luck with venues. We were discussing doing shows with no less than five different venues and for one reason or another we were never able to arrange anything. Partly, we were being stubborn because we wanted a venue where we could run a series of shows and build some momentum.
The last straw came when our favourite venue, the Medley shut down at the end of 2009, to be sold and torn down for condos.

So, even though Le Skratch didn't want to give us two dates in a row, we talked them into letting us have the venue on a basis where we could try dropping the price to see if that would increase attendance (and therefore increase beer sales). A lot of people, including people in our locker room, thought it would be our very last show. The documentary crew from Canal D thought they were documenting our death throes.

And then more than 200 people crammed into Le Skratch and we had our best non-Medley show since Breakout 2006.

On a personal note, if you were wondering: How long do you have to work behind-the-scenes at the IWS before you end up in the ring? In my case, I have been involved in the IWS in one form or another since 2001. As ring announcers, we have gone through Iron Mike Paterson (quit), Brian the Guppie (quit), Pat Laprade (busy working on his book), Nic Paterson (fired), Iron Mike Paterson again (quit when Nic was fired) and Giant Tiger (drunk and unconscious - face-down in his own drool) before Manny turned to me, gave me the mike and said, "There's no-one left to do this, don't screw up!"

... And I promptly almost broke my neck coming through the curtain. Fortunately, no one appeared to notice and I managed to get the crowd riled up for the first match... until I was interrupted by Beef Wellington who came to the ring to announce that Nic Paterson's last act as President before getting fired was to allow Beef to weasel out of defending his title in the Triple Threat Triple Hell Death Match.

In mid-explanation, Beef was cut off by the Green Phantom who came to the ring to announce that since the man who had fired him (Nic Paterson) had been fired, by the transitive laws of wrestling math, the Green Phantom had his job back and he wanted Beef's title. Beef suggested that if the Green Phantom wanted to earn a shot that he enter the Triple Threat Triple Hell Death Match and Beef would give the winner an immediate title shot. When the Green Phantom agreed, Beef gave him a low blow and scampered for the hills.

Originally, the Untouchables were scheduled to defend their IWS Tag Team Titles, but with Jimmy Stone off impersonating James Brown, Dan was forced to find a new tag team partner and he turned to a specialist, Professional Tag Team Partner, Scott "Jagged" Parker. By accepting the belt, Jagged became a 3-time IWS Tag Team Champion. Both teams started the match with some dissension - the Untouchables 2.0 had never tagged together and Jagged admitted to harboring a little bit of resentment that Dan had won a match forcing 2.0 to split up. Franky the Mobster and Twiggy, on the other hand, couldn't even agree if the name of their team was the Lean and Clean Machine (Franky's choice) or the Rock 'N Roid Express (Twiggy's preference).

Despite the pre-match dissension, both teams worked well together and had great chemistry with the Untouchables 2.0 having the advantage. Twiggy saved the day for his team by giving Franky an emergency injection. A juiced Franky destroyed Jagged and Dan, hitting Dan Paysan with the Credibility Statement sit-out choke slam allowing Twiggy to hit a top rope splash for the pin, the win and the tag belts for the new Champions, the Rock 'N Roid Express.

Shane Matthews, the Hot Property and self-proclaimed Canada's Greatest Athlete, disgraced the IWS at our last show by attacking Calgary Stampede veteran Kodiak Jack in the crowd and beating the pensioner with his own crutch. At Praise the Violence, Shane introduced his wife, the lovely Olivia. Unfortunately for Shane, his wife received so many compliments from the gallant hardcore soldiers of the IWS at ringside that Shane very nearly lost his match to IWS rookie Sonny Dee. (You may know Sonny better as "That Asian IWS Referee") Shane was able to regain his composure enough to hit Sonny with a huge power bomb before forcing the rook to tap to a Canuckstanian Crab.

Shayne Hawke celebrated his first anniversary as IWS Canadian Champ by beating Stinky the Homeless Guy with a Tomahawke. The scary thing for Shayne's future challengers is that he gets better with every single match, in this case beating a solid, smooth and powerful Stinky.

Sometimes to get the attention of "Le Saigneur de Stiff" EXesS, you have to punch him in the nose. In 2009, Heavy Maxx Fury earned EXesS' respect by beating him twice, once in an MMA match. For this match, EXesS put aside his bullying ways and proved just how dangerous he can be, using Maxx' momentum to turn pin-fall breaks into submissions and submission breaks into pin attempts and eventually into a pin.

We let Uno pick a team of two rookies and Fred la Merveille pick a team of two rookies for Praise the Violence. And then we let the six men beat the ever-loving crap out of each other. The match combined comedy, high-flying, stiff shots and four rookies desperately trying to prove to Fred, to Uno, to IWS management and to the IWS Hardcore Soldiers that they deserved to be there. In the end, Fred fell to a scintillating Shooting-Star Senton from Mike Bailey.

After the Triple Threat Triple Hell Death Match, Eddy was giving me shit for announcing him as "the only man stupid enough to wrestle death matches in a thong." Of course, Eddy could have been giving me shit as the (mind-boggingly) five-time IWS Champion. Unfortunately, and proving my point, Eddy killed his chance to win the match, when, to quote IWS Hardcore Solider Eric Ravenous, "
Eddy did a running over the top Plancha, taking out out his opponents, the ref, at least 3 rows of seats and landing on his head all in one fell swoop."

With Eddy dazed, the Green Phantom was able to use the Thonged One as a weapon against Manny, giving Eddy a Phantasm on to Manny and a pile of thumb-tacks, allowing the Hardcore Hero to pin both men.

Beef Wellington gave the Green Phantom no chance to recover, attacking while I was in the middle of announcing the winner of the match. Beef took quick advantage, throwing the Green Phantom through a pane of glass. Beef set up two chairs back to back in the hopes of crippling Phantom with the E. Coli pile-driver. In a desperate burst of strength, Phantom broke free, crotching Beef on the chairs. Before Beef could recover, Phantom blasted him through the chairs and finished him off with a Phantom Menace to claim the IWS title for the second time.

We are currently negotiating for more dates at Le Skratch and we hope to announce a series of dates soon.

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